I miss New York I miss New York I miss New York
I miss my friends
I miss not having heartburn
I remember (before kid) when a heartburn medication commercial played on television, I would mock them. "Oh how bad could it be? They gotta make a medicine for everything. Just stop eating spicy food!" Well payback is a big fire-breathing bitch.
If I jumped into the air right now, my elastic pregnancy boobs would smack me in my face.
There are no other black kids in my son's class and he has noticed. That makes me incredibly sad.
What do women do here besides join mommy playgroups, shop at Target and go to the playground? Someone please let me know!
Conversations with the husband:
Me (staring dejectedly at my pattern making supplies): I am so out of it and uninspired.
The husband: Well where did you look for inspiration when we were in NY?
Me: Outside!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
20 comments:
Hang in there. Even though everyone looks different than him, I'm sure Noah is digging the new experience of open spaces, like his backyard. That's so great for a kid to have. And I happen to hate NYC right now. Hustle and hustle for no reward. The carrot's always 2 inches from your nose, but you just can't get it.
Vera says hello. Big hugs from us to the Burns family.
Evan! I'm not going to ask how you found me out here in cyberspace because I'm sure I already know the answer. Hate NYC? Move here with us and let's start that traveling artist commune I always dream of. There is absoulutely no hustle here and maybe I'm romanticing it a bit in my head, but I think the need to hustle is in my make-up. I feel like I just
"exist" here if that makes any sense.
Anyway, I miss you guys and parties and good take-out and shopping and Brooklyn, and music, and dancing and yes even Don. Now I'm going to cry, partly because I'm pregnant, but mostly because I'm sad. I'll be reading you now as well. Hi Vera!
A while back I thought I noticed a lack of diversity at my preschool during a parent's meeting (mostly white moms).
But it turns out there is quite a bit of diversity: lesbian parents, children adopted from around the world, Latino spouses, etc.
I'm not sure which school your son goes to, that might make a difference. But there is A LOT of diversity in C-U. Some of it depends on your neighborhood or the events you go to. The events at the Douglas Branch library tend to have more of a black demographic, so you might try there.
Also, when he enters grade school, Champaign has "school of choice" so you can pick one that has the demographic that you are looking for.
I'm sure it's just a matter of the preschool you chose. It's not the whole city.
I'm a bad bloggy friend. You called and then life spiraled out of control with 100 days of in-laws. I'll call you near the end of the week, after I meet my deadline, and we'll get together. It's too cold for the park (and your bike!). We could go to the indoor mall playground one afternoon together and sit and chat while the kids act like zoo animals.
I promise I'll be in touch soon.
Leeanthro: I know that it is the school that we choose. We don't drive
so how near the school is to our home was a big factor. Regardless, we visited almost EVERY pre-school here that had an opening except Savoy even the one in "that area" as some people here seem to like to refer to where the black people are. Every school not over the tracks (which was too far) had only one or two black kids or none at all. It just so happened that the school that we choose was the cleanest (to our eye), has great teachers and a curriculum that we approved of... but no black kids. I naively thought that my son was too young to notice and be affected by it. (don't get me wrong, he's not tramatized, he just mentioned it) But I don't think he would even be thinking about it if we weren't
here in Champaign and that's what makes me sad. The fact that he has to think about race when I just want him to be a kid a for a little longer. I can't say, "Look there are lesbian moms" to a four-year old who asks where the people are that look like him.
I completely understand everything you said. Hopefully you can find a playmate for your son soon that he can identify more with.
Do people really say "that area" of town?
What I am discouraged by in this town (and I'm sure it's happening elsewhere too) is that as SW Champaign grows, there seems to be a bigger and bigger divide between the haves and have-nots (and I'm talking economic class here). The new schools are being built out by the wealthy. New businesses are going out that way too. People are moving out of the older (charming) neighborhoods. We consider ourselves to be middle class, but I don't think we could ever afford the lifestyle of these SW Champaign people. And where are these people getting all of their money? We just shake our heads in disbelief.
Wow you are in are in a pickle. YOu mentioned that you are just existing here in a another comment. I felt like that for a long time and it is an AWFUL feeling.
Hang in there and I'm rooting for you.
I am delurking because of lbop. I have lived in C-U for 14 yrs now. I was transplanted when I husband went to law school. I am SAHM after 10 yrs in HR and enjoying every minute of it. What to do in C-U? I did join a mommy group and have found 3 great friends that I wouldn't have found otherwise. AND wouldn't be surviving SAHMhood without. But that aside, things to do: I love taking some time to myself and "shopping" downtown Champaign to the several cool shops - nothing like NYC, but with a nice latte in hand from Cafe Kopi, I can browse Ten Thousand Villages, Jennifer North, Walnut St Tea Company, Circles, Jane Adams Book Store, Wind and Water, Dandelion, etc. I love photography and find it challenging to get good shots in this town, but having fun trying (so a hobby? maybe?) I love to go for walks w/ my 2.5 y/o, especially in "old town" where we live and now with the trees beautiful... There's Orpheum Children's museum, nothing to write home about, but something different.
Hope this helps.
I can't speak tor what moms do in this town, but for kids, the Park District has some good stuff to do and their programs tend to draw from all over the community. And both libraries have good stuff.
Well, when I lived in CU I used to go out to a lot of rock shows. The shows list on Openingbands.com has an exhaustive list of the live shows going on. There are also a ton of places to go dancing around there too; Barfly, Soma, Highdive, Chester Street. Don't be down on CU because you assume it doesn't have something if you haven't looked. What kind of take-out do you want? I bet CU has it. Some of my favorites were Thara Thai, Bombay Indian Grill, Mandarin Wok, Empire Chinese, Jerusalem Restaurant and Siam Terrace.
Also be aware that if you are not driving, you are missing out on a lot. Don't get me wrong, I wish we lived in a society that was carless, but that's not reality, that's not America, at least not outside of NYC. It limited your choice of preschools, it's going to limit you in many other ways as well.
My sister works at the preschool at Next Generation, which a bit of an upper crust place where the majority of the kids have parents that work at the university. She told me that they have quite a few Asian kids, some Indian and Middle Eastern, and a couple of black kids.
You were asking about what do mom's do other than all that stuff??
I explore the area... I love photography, and teaching my little (almost) two year old about outside and in the house. I also busy myself with editing my photos after I take them... it's so relaxing. :D
In March I will start again with another one (I am 21 weeks)... I totaly understand the heartburn thing... just took some tum's a while ago (YUCK).
Do I relate to this post! I often wonder what there is to do where I am besides go to Target and to the library/bookstore (we're finished with playgrounds). Everyone partied here when the Wegmans opened in 2002. I love Wegmans, its selection compares to Zabars or Citarella in NYC, but still, people, it's a SUPERMARKET.
As my kids have gotten older, though, I've been more adventurous around town and have explored more of what the university here has to offer. It turns out to be quite a lot.
But in general I agree with what you write here. Being outside in NYC is a visual feast, and everything else pales. I miss the vibrancy, the activity level, the people watching, the stores, God, the stores. And having grown up there, I took it all for granted until it was too late.
Sigh.
I have read your blog off and on via a link from another blog. How sad that you feel the need to bash on Champaign Urbana. Here's an idea, read my blog and find out exactly what mom's do in this area besides what you seem to feel is invalid if that is their choice. Instead of seeing us as some back woods population who do not have any type of education or life perhaps you should stretch out and not be so negative. It might surprise you. I have a child with multiple disabilities so I know EXACTLY what it's like to not have someone like your child in their class. Don't see me bashing the community for it. What you see me doing is trying to make a difference.
wow. I'm sorry you're sad, living in the flatlands of Illinois. This part of the state is much different from other areas of this state-it IS very flat here, and windy. I'm a small-town mouse myself, and C-U is about as big of a city as I'd like to get. It's a small city, a small town would be something like where I grew up--population of less than 15,000!
Anyway.
What I've learned about C-U, is that, yeah, this place is very racially divided. It's very unfortunate. So you are breaking the color barrier, I'm guessing, in southwest Champaign.
When I moved here (10.5 yrs ago--with a 2 1/2 yr old, and a 5 yr. old) I tried to replicate what I was involved in in our old town. So I found a story time. I joined a church, because I knew I'd meet other people my age with kids. I got my daughter into G.S., we went to the parks, to any museums...I really wanted to learn my way around town. I joined the PTA. And though the PTA at that school was particularly lame, I did meet the teachers, who I found a lot of commonalities with, and in turn met friends to do stuff with.
Schools of choice in Champaign was intended to racially balance the schools here. Though I'm not an over-paid consultant for the school district, I'd say that schools of choice did not work as it was intended. Look forward to middle school--what middle school your child attends is determined by which elementary school the student attended.
I absolutely recommend story time at the public library. Check out the events sponsored by either park district. Personally, I've really liked many park district events/activities.
Seems that every now & then, the News-Gazette puts out something that lists a bunch of clubs/organizations for varying interests (maybe when the students come to town? probably). You may find something in that. What I found is that there are groups that are virtually non-existent, membership-wise.
Good luck to you.
Belle, I'm sorry that some people (perhaps some very insecure people?) took this as an opportunity to bash you. I was hoping people would help you. As someone who has moved many times, from cities to C-U and back again, I found that no matter the place what made it home was always the same thing -- finding the right people to share my life with. So that's my great wisdom, do what you like to do and you will find the people who will help make where you live your home.
It's hard to be someplace you don't want to be. I moved somewhere once which actually was a pretty great place but you know what? I just didn't want to be there. I made efforts but it never really clicked for me. The contrast between the two places wasn't nearly as great either so I do feel for you. I can get a little defensive when people bash C-U because I like it here but you know what----I understand why you would be feeling culture shock and besides---it's perfect for me now, but at other points in my life it wouldn't have been. Sometimes it just depends where you are in your life. I haven't responded because frankly I'm at a point in my life, with aging parents, small kids, family health issues, working full time, that I'm just trying to get through the days. That being said back when I had more of a life (well, that's not fair I guess---just a different life) we saw a lot of music, gardened a lot, had parties, went to events at Krannert Art Musuem, Krannert Center, etc. While the arts scene is miniscule compared to that of a big city, one of the pluses is that you can really immerse yourself in it and know the whole community in a way you can't in a larger scene...silver lining perhaps but silver linings have a purpose. Of course some of that stuff is hard to do with two little kids so sometimes.....you just need to sulk. And that's o.k. too.
My one disappointment with my sons' preschool was its lack of diversity. At various times it had a large Asian component but I don't think he ever had a African-American kid in his class---which is pretty amazing. Now my boys are in public schools so it's completely a different story---he didn't seem to notice the difference but I did and I can only imagine how you must feel to hear your son ask about it.
Anyway....hang in there and don't let other posters upset you.
I never add any comments, but I'm hoping this will help!
I have moved tons of times (from Albany, NY to Rochester, NY - back to Albany - to Chicago, IL - to Oregon - back to Albany, and finally - here!), and there's a lot I like about Champaign. I admit it isn't for everyone, but we really like it. Everyone is different! Sometimes, I wish I could see my friends from home or go to one of my favorite restaurants, but that's what we do when we make a trip back.
My hardest move ever was from Chicago, IL to Bend, OR (with my ex-husband). Bend didn't even have a department store that sold anything other than fleece - or even a Gap! There wasn't a university there, and there was absolutely no culture. It didn't even have a coffee shop that stayed open at night! It was a three hour drive over a mountain pass to get to the next town with a population of over 10,000. It was a VERY hard move (did I mention we only had one car and I couldn't find a job?), and I was sad a lot of the time. I felt so isolated. But, in time, I grew to like things about it. I was happy to leave (5 years later), but looking back, I don't regret living there for a while. There were times I even liked it!
I hope you eventually find some things you like here, too. One option for you might be events at the university or the park district - there's always a lot going on. I work full time and don't have kids, so I probably have different interests, but I hope you find some good options! Good luck to you!
I work at the Champaign Public Library, and we've got some interesting programming for children (and adults too). Granted, we're about to close to move into our new building, but there's a month of programming left before that happens, and our (very cool and super-friendly) Douglass Branch will be open while the main library is closed. You can check out our program calendar at http://www.champaign.org/. You can get to both locations by bus, and our Bookmobile also makes its way around town. (I'm not sure where you live, but the map of stops is on our web site, so you can see if there's one nearby.)
There's also a craft group that meets pretty regularly. It's mostly women in their 20s and 30s, and they usually meet at peoples' homes on Saturday afternoons. The group includes parents and non-parents, and everyone's very nice and welcoming. (Your sewing expertise would make you a very popular woman, too, since it seems like there are several craftgroup members who really want to learn to make their own clothes!) They are planning to meet this Saturday afternoon, which is really short notice for you, but if you're available, the details are on the Yahoo group.
I've taken some classes at the Park District and enjoyed them quite a bit. There's also a lot of stuff at Krannert Center--plays, concerts, etc.--that's way cheaper than in a major metropolitan area. The Spurlock Museum on campus has some nice exhibits. (It's no Field Museum or Museum of Science and Industry--both of which I highly recommend if you take a day or weekend trip to Chicago--but it's a good museum for a college town like ours!)
The Conservatory of Central Illinois has some fun kids' music programs (I take music lessons there) that your son might like, too.
I moved here from Chicago and I never thought I'd stay, but seven years later, I'm still here. It takes a while to get used to the small (well, actually, medium-sized) town atmosphere, but I grew to enjoy it. There's a lot to like, but it does take some getting used to. If nothing else, you can enjoy the low cost of living while you're out here!
*This is long, but I'm a fast-typing insomniac. Also, forgive the food references--I'm eating, and seemingly suggestible.*
I really do hope that you are able to find the people and places that make you feel comfortable in this area. Especially considering that you have a young son--he will really need to have a proper support system, and a solid peer group.
Off of the top of my head, the biggest thing that has helped me was to stop looking for the exact things that I once loved about where I was originally from (southside of Chicago), and to try focusing in on what I liked to do. I don't care what anyone says, this area has very few things that are comparable to what I'd find in Chicago--just as Chicago will probably not have the same things as NYC. But just because they aren't comparable, that doesn't mean that they aren't valid. For instance, I'm a foodie, and I especially love "ethnic" food. There are many good restaurants here (still don't like that there's not an Ethiopian or Afghani restaurant, among others, but that's for another day), but they often just don't hold a flame to ones in other alpha cities. But that doesn't mean that they aren't good in their own right.
The other thing that's helped me is to change how I approach a situation. So say, again, for the food issue, sure, the restaurants might disappoint me. But there are excellent ethnic grocers here! So I've just taken to making my own food a lot of times. Plus, I've found that seeking what is done well is a lot more fulfilling than my continually looking for what I want and knocking my head against a wall. There are some wonderful authentic Korean restaurants here, for example...so I often go to those rather than lamenting that the Greek restaurant selection is a bit shoddy.
This area seems to be a shining example of a "make it work" locale. I realized that many aspects of my life in Chicago, I just grew to take them for granted. And being down here has really helped me to solidify what I wanted and how to find it.
I originally came here three years ago to complete my masters, and then began dating my current bf who is still in the process of completing his masters. The only thing that saved me was finding resources that would enable me to meet like-minded people. There was just too much culture shock that happened to me when I came down here, to continually have to explain to people that yes, this was a nice area, but...I still feel stir-crazy! I needed a place to belong, not to always have to explain myself.
Try contacting some of the organizations at the university that you find interesting; there will be a ton of ideas and advice there, from other people who have lived through what you're currently experiencing. Look for some of the groups that deal with diversity and/or minority issues specifically. In the beginning it helped just to have another person say, "yeah, that happened to us as well, here's how you can deal with it, we're here to help you." I mean, goodness, I lived in Mahomet when I came down here, and I had people shouting things at me like, "Oh, black people [or the n-word] live here?"
I didn't want to touch on that area too much, but that's why it's important that you find support relatively quickly. Coming from Chicago, and having lived in Atlanta, I'm no stranger to rather nasty racism. But I'll be darned if the racism I've experienced in this area hasn't been some of the hairier variety that I've ever experienced. And I'm sure that it doesn't help matters that my bf is white. Yes, when things are good, I love this area precisely because it's so diverse. But I've learned the hard way that diversity often doesn't automatically mean understanding or acceptance.
There are a number of free periodicals here that go into great detail about the current happenings in town, and several seasonal editions that list "the best of CU." These will give you a good starting point to begin examining what the area has to offer.
I see that you've already started reading some of the local blogs--these are an EXCELLENT resource for ideas as well! Some of the bloggers know about things that I would never see if they didn't write about them.
The key really seems to be finding those like-minded people, and not stopping until you do. There might not be as many as you remember having in NYC, but they're out there...and more than likely, hunting for you as well!
But again, I might be the wrong person to ask, because I'm currently in the process of looking for jobs in Chicago (which is another area I didn't even bring up, job opportunities), as I've finally just accepted that while this area might be for some people, it's just not for me. And there's no amount of shifting my perspective that can change that. I've been trying to do that for three years...if it hasn't worked by now, it's not going to. It's to the point for me where I'm leaving before my bf finishes his thesis--and he's basically insisting that I do it, because he can see that I'm starting to become depressed.
Having said that? I can definitely see that, again, if someone can "make it work," this is an awesome place to live. Just not for me, not at this time in my life.
I wish you the absolute best of luck!
Take care.
I can identify a bit with how you feel. When I was in high school I had to move from L.A. to a small town in the same state, and I was thoroughly miserable for months. I missed everything. Then at some point I started finding my way, and I also realized that I had moved to a beautiful place, once I opened up my eyes and accepted the fact that "this is not L.A" (and started making some friends). Not saying you will or should feel the same way about Champaign, but that was my experience at that time. And when I lived in the Caribbean for two years, at first I was so unhappy there, but by the end I didn't want to leave and it was difficult to adjust to being here again. It just takes a lot of time, I guess (profound, eh?). And it's not fun.
In terms of racial diversity: Something I noticed when I came back here from Grenada was that suddenly I was only around white people again. It was obvious as soon as I hit a U.S. airport—I definitely remember thinking, what's happened? For two years I was used to daily interaction with people of all skin colors and backgrounds, and then boom! Pretty much gone.
Hang in there.
Post a Comment